It was not the Fall that got me most. It was everybody forcing food and overheated rooms and excess stuff (and no money) into what was supposed to be a van meant for me to escape the heat and live in 30°F with. It was meant to escape the global warming, the very same global warming caused by this gas guzzling and housewarming, and now even the outside itself is closer to 40°F because of exactly that.
I am barely recovering. I am more pessimistic than I have been level headed. Forces at work oppose me at strange turns. I could have been running around in a t shirt in snow and smoking real weed by now rather than some random (admittedly cool) gas station vape and huddled up amidst all my parents' stuff I got stuck with.
My mind is so taken up with the stuff right now. These are familiar feelings. I haven't been able to talk to any online friends as easily, not just here. The whole bit about not going to the bathroom for four days.... I've worn more layers because my mind has been too taken up by this to properly concentrate on being outside as I otherwise usually would.
People want me to take the heat and all I want is to be stuck out here in the cold. Don't force me out here and then force my body to be used to heat. It doesn't work that way.
Talk about whatever
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